15/11/24
Im a bit down and have been for past few days. I don't have anyone to talk to and I feel alone. My family is great but I want an external connection. I can't share my true feelings to my parents. My friends well they are fun to be with but that's the end of it. We would sometimes meet and chat a bit, make fun of somebody and then go back to our lives. We are not in school anymore and everyone have their own thing now. Some of them have a gf now.
They are friends but I don't have a 'true' friend. I don't yet know what a true friend should actually mean but there is a vague idea of what that can mean.
I have exams soon, i need to study for that and hope I do atleast just good enough that the year don't go to waste.
I was trying to not act all emo and make this a good looking blog but fuck it. Noone irl will ever know about this anyway so maybe i should just type whatever i am really feeling.
I like studying because my brain starts to work, but then there are numerous problems and most of them are me. For tomorrow I will download all the material i need lectures and pdfs and keep my internet off for one whole day.
On one of my prev post i said i will start to exercise. I did for the first day then stopped. im half assing everything. Mannn i don't know what to do. Also im trying to change myself or the perception which people have of me. Im that guy in the group chat who texts stuff a lot and text random out of context things he likes. Im the annoying guy. I have stopped doing that for past few days now. So many times I want to but this is me now. I will not text okay.
I really need a good friend. Even if i could have a imaginary delusional friend i would like that too. Im feeling asleep I woke up at 6am. Will eat dinner soon then go to sleep. I will study nicely tomorrow and be a good boy. bye.
